why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
