it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
