plz talk dirty to me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
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