we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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