Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have post one night stand depression
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