i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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