I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
