what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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