Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i out mim tonsoeep
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