It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
