Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
