my soul wont recognize me after tonight
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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