I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
