I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
