I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
