I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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