He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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