Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
two words...techno handjob
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
