It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
