i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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