I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
