Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
