I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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