ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
