She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
