There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
