Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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