the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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