Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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