The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
