you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
why do cheetos always look like penises
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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