Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
