saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
