I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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