So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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