I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
