Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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