Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She's like a pop up book from hell.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
