I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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