my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
