she smelled like a LAN party
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
