the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
