rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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