fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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