just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
