I'm going to jail i love you
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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