I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i wish my penis had a tongue
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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