We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
