so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
