when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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