It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
