How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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