I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
