Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
