Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
