ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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