You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Randomize
